Self Forgiveness

In Junior High school, I was included in a group of perceived “popular kids.” One of our classmates was bullied and ostracized by many, including our group. I felt very bad for her at the time and while I did not participate in the bullying, I ignored her (as well as my feelings). I was ashamed of myself then and in the future as I would hear, see or read about similar situations in real life, movies or in the written word. Always the guilty feelings would resurface at the most unexpected moments.

At our 20-year class reunion, the first I had attended, I poured my heart out to her and she graciously forgave me for my part. I truly felt forgiven and through the next twenty-five years we have become close friends on the phone and Facebook.

I would still feel ashamed from time to time, similar to the episodes I had before her forgiving me, but this morning I realized that something was different and extremely pleasing to me.

I was listening to Gregg Braden speaking on Quantum particles and he said something that opened my conscious. Whatever the line of emotion he struck in me, the thought came to me announcing  that I no longer held the feeling of shame for my “sins of omission.” Feeling is the union of thought and emotion. She had forgiven me long ago. Only very recently had I forgiven myself!

The two are connected.